The Problem
October 19th, 2017
Tonight was wrecking. I had it all figured out in my head. I was gonna do the smart thing to do and talk about a problem I was having with someone. I tried talking about it and everything came back around to me. I'm the problem. I need to work on being happy with myself. It's just so hard when there's one person you wish you could be just like. But you can't. You'll never be looked at as nice, smart, or pretty. No matter how hard I try I can't be content with myself. Today I visited the ER at DCH for a tour and ended up almost passing out. The feeling where you can't see anything around you or focus or hear is the feeling I sadly long for because I am just wanting an escape from reality. I don't want to think about anything. I'm tired of trying to better myself with unrecognized efforts. When you are told that you are the person causing problems it hurts. All this time I thought I had been trying so hard and I thought I had come so far but apparently my 110% only looks like just 10% to everyone else. Maybe I should call this blog page "Not 110%" because that's about what my efforts are amounting up to.
Grace
Tonight was wrecking. I had it all figured out in my head. I was gonna do the smart thing to do and talk about a problem I was having with someone. I tried talking about it and everything came back around to me. I'm the problem. I need to work on being happy with myself. It's just so hard when there's one person you wish you could be just like. But you can't. You'll never be looked at as nice, smart, or pretty. No matter how hard I try I can't be content with myself. Today I visited the ER at DCH for a tour and ended up almost passing out. The feeling where you can't see anything around you or focus or hear is the feeling I sadly long for because I am just wanting an escape from reality. I don't want to think about anything. I'm tired of trying to better myself with unrecognized efforts. When you are told that you are the person causing problems it hurts. All this time I thought I had been trying so hard and I thought I had come so far but apparently my 110% only looks like just 10% to everyone else. Maybe I should call this blog page "Not 110%" because that's about what my efforts are amounting up to.
Grace
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