Getting Real
October 18th, 2017
I'm just gonna be real...real honest. There was no post yesterday due to an overwhelming amount of stress. There was drama with a friend and I'm not even sure it wasn't just me overthinking everything. Also school is giving me a hard time right now. I literally sat in my bedroom watching math tutorials, doing a work sheet, and crying. After I finally got myself together, my stepmom came in my room and I fell apart again. Life is just so hard right now. The issue with the friend really tore me up though. I did something for her and I have been so loyal to her and nothing but supportive and she just doesn't seem to see that. I feel like we should be a lot closer than we are but she doesn't see that. Just like she doesn't see the way she's been shutting me out little by little. I'm honestly so over trying to have a best friend. At the end of the day, I am my own best friend. And sometimes that's not the worst thing in the world. I've just had the longing for a best friend. You know, someone you tell everything to, can call up at any hour to talk, someone who has your back 24/7, and just that one person I always wanna be around. I'm just tired of looking. I want someone to reach out to me the way I have been reaching out to other people. I want to feel appreciated, wanted, loved, and valued. And on top of all of this, my insecurities are growing. I don't look how I want to look and I'm not really happy with myself. I always want to be skinnier, prettier, smaller...but yet if feels as if I'm just the opposite. If you feel this way you aren't alone. I know how you feel. It's an on going battle to find satisfaction with yourself. Maybe I'll get there someday. But yeah, so much is on my mind and my heart right now. And boy do I need to catch up on sleep...
Grace
I'm just gonna be real...real honest. There was no post yesterday due to an overwhelming amount of stress. There was drama with a friend and I'm not even sure it wasn't just me overthinking everything. Also school is giving me a hard time right now. I literally sat in my bedroom watching math tutorials, doing a work sheet, and crying. After I finally got myself together, my stepmom came in my room and I fell apart again. Life is just so hard right now. The issue with the friend really tore me up though. I did something for her and I have been so loyal to her and nothing but supportive and she just doesn't seem to see that. I feel like we should be a lot closer than we are but she doesn't see that. Just like she doesn't see the way she's been shutting me out little by little. I'm honestly so over trying to have a best friend. At the end of the day, I am my own best friend. And sometimes that's not the worst thing in the world. I've just had the longing for a best friend. You know, someone you tell everything to, can call up at any hour to talk, someone who has your back 24/7, and just that one person I always wanna be around. I'm just tired of looking. I want someone to reach out to me the way I have been reaching out to other people. I want to feel appreciated, wanted, loved, and valued. And on top of all of this, my insecurities are growing. I don't look how I want to look and I'm not really happy with myself. I always want to be skinnier, prettier, smaller...but yet if feels as if I'm just the opposite. If you feel this way you aren't alone. I know how you feel. It's an on going battle to find satisfaction with yourself. Maybe I'll get there someday. But yeah, so much is on my mind and my heart right now. And boy do I need to catch up on sleep...
Grace
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